Clever Trick

"I never want to see you unhappy,
I thought you'd want the same for me."
Cody.
...killed me.
I can't think about him.
We're through.
I'm so sad about this.
I'm so broken.
"Goodbye my almost lover,
goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you.
Can't you just let me be?"
My heart hurts.
Everytime he makes me look him in the eye.
It hurts.
He's saying it's for the best.
I can't breathe anymore.
"You told me you'd never, never forget."
I feel like the last two months were a lie.
"I cannot go to the ocean,
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind.."
I don't know what to do.

Rum

Why is the rum gone?
My brother asked this today, and I called him a pirate.

I drank for the first time in a while today.
I'm glad that Cody didn't have a problem with it.
I was worried.
Tomorrow is 420 though, and I know I will be very tempted.
I won't smoke weed though.
I won't do that to Cody.
I won't ruin US.

I'm on the maximum dosage of my anti-depressant now.
Let's see how that works.

I'm failing everything..
And I'm fat.

Work it.

Lots of stuff tends to happen when I least need it.
The K-bitches are out of my life.
They cause more drama than ever.
K1 has always caused drama.
I tried really hard to be her friend.
Abortion was strike one.
JZ was strike two.
This is strike three.
She's out.

My mom gave up on me.
It was okay with me.
It got to her.
She apologized.
Damn.

I got a bikini.
I'm proud to say that I almost don't hate it.
I need to lose like a hundred pounds.
Then I will wear it.
:]

One month with Cody tomorrow. <3

He says beautiful things

He says things that no one has said before.
He says he'll be the one holding my hand through it all.
He will be the one sliding a wedding ring on my finger.
He will be the one who picks out baby names with me.
He will be the one who makes me chicken noodle soup when I'm sick.
He says he will be the one that gives me tears of joy, never sadness.
He will be the one who picks me up when I fall.
He will be the one to get me what I need whenever I need it.

I will be the one who will never stop loving him.
I will be the one that never quite deserves him.
I will be the one who continues to be amazed.
I will be the one who still gets the butterflies when I see him.
I will always be the one who he can fall asleep next to.
I am so in love with him...

Hold Nothing Back

I just want to go all the way with Cody.
I sound so love struck.
oh well.
I want to marry him and have his babies.
He will be a wonderful dad, I already know that.
I've seen him with his nephew.
He's so perfect.
I just want to fucking...die with him.

Nothing could be better with us.

Bullshit.

I didn't dissect the fucking squid. And so my dad is mad at me.
Oh well .
I smoke.
I go against everything he wanted.
I'll get over it.

The drama at school only gets worse with each week that I'm with Cody.
It's been 22 days since he asked me out.
You think people would get over it.
I'm not going anywhere.
He's not going anywhere.
We're both in this for the long term.

I wish that people would just live their lives and not worry about everyone elses.