I am out of my mind.

I miss Alyssa so much.
I miss people.
I miss conversation.
I'm sitting here - crying - typing my problems into another useless machine.
I just want my friends back.
I want my life back.

I've lost it all.
I've lost it to the point that I have no idea who I am.
I haven't had contact with anyone I love in so long, I don't know what's going on.
Is everyone okay?
Is anyone sick?
What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I'm so lost...I just want to be normal.
I haven't had a summer, and it's all that I want. I've spent my time in summer school. I thought I could escape school for a while, but I lost a whole month of summer to school. That only leaves two months of summer, but I blew it. I fucking BLEW IT. I only have a month left, and I won't get to appreciate it. I have to get a job. I have to stay busy. I'm not allowed to be a kid anymore. I'm not allowed to have friends and have a day to sit around and do nothing. If I could take it all back - If I could have not gotten involved with Dennis, pot, and drinking - Everything would be normal. I miss my life. I don't know where I lost myself.

I'm so lost.

Scrabble Brain

I got Michael. Finally.
It's just so refreshing.
It's good to know that I have ONE friend who loves me unconditionally.
No matter what I do, how stupid my decisions are, he's there.
I know that.
I had a lot of fun being drunk with this boy.
I love you MJW. :]
On the not so bright side though... is Alyssa.
I had decided to let her go.
But then last night she drunkenly called me.
BAD IDEA.
What happens when someone drunk calls someone high?
It's not great.
I love her. I can't give her up.
Someone I have given up on is Cory.
After we hooked up, I thought he would want me.
I wanted him to.
But no. We hook up, I'm left with hickeys all over the place.
He doesn't care.
He showed up at the Street Dance with his Girlfriend.
Jealousy. Even though she's ugly.
Dennis gave me a ring.
A diamond ring with blue sapphires.
It's so pretty.
I feel special, and I feel really embarrassed.
He dressed nice and he had a little black box.
I've never gotten something so special.
Here's a positive note, though.
Lindsey.
Beautiful, wonderful Lindsey.
She asked me if I liked her.
We're hitting it off.
She's got a boyfriend, but he likes that she's got a girlfriend.
I guess it's kinky or something. ;]
Oh Lindsey. I feel so lucky.