I am out of my mind.

I miss Alyssa so much.
I miss people.
I miss conversation.
I'm sitting here - crying - typing my problems into another useless machine.
I just want my friends back.
I want my life back.

I've lost it all.
I've lost it to the point that I have no idea who I am.
I haven't had contact with anyone I love in so long, I don't know what's going on.
Is everyone okay?
Is anyone sick?
What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I'm so lost...I just want to be normal.
I haven't had a summer, and it's all that I want. I've spent my time in summer school. I thought I could escape school for a while, but I lost a whole month of summer to school. That only leaves two months of summer, but I blew it. I fucking BLEW IT. I only have a month left, and I won't get to appreciate it. I have to get a job. I have to stay busy. I'm not allowed to be a kid anymore. I'm not allowed to have friends and have a day to sit around and do nothing. If I could take it all back - If I could have not gotten involved with Dennis, pot, and drinking - Everything would be normal. I miss my life. I don't know where I lost myself.

I'm so lost.